The Linen Closet
by SpecOpStarr
Summary: MWPPlotr . Spinoff of AVIY. Takes place summer before 7th year.. totally hilarious.. end summary sequence commences
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This is product of sleep-deprivation, caffeine, two teen-age psycho Marauder fangirls, and a full moon. All original characters are not based on actual people..Also, this is a Spin Off of A very Interesting Year

WARNING: The following may be a little too weird for some readers. This fic contains many misconceptions and mistranslations. We advise you to be either on a sugar high or giddy with sleeplessness prior to reading this. Do not read this expecting it to be serious. Do not read if you are cute-fic intolerant, it may contain some 'aww!' moments. Do not keep at temperatures above 39 degrees C.

Tha Muse:.. Yeah well.. that 'bout covers everything both related and unrelated.. I think you should start it know..

Aiwen:.,. Right-o!

The Linen Closet

"Almost summer Jim!" declared Sirius enthusiastically.

"Tomorrow we go home.." said James as he shoved his cauldron into his already over-stuffed trunk.

Remus watched from the edge of his bed, as usual, he had done his packing in advance.

"When we come back.. we'll be seventh years," said Aragorn with a grin.

"Brilliant observation, bro," said Legolas with a smirk.

"The first thing I'm doing when we get off that train is locking my trunk with everything except my owl and broom in the basement, where it will be promptly forgotten until the letters arrive," announced James

"As soon as I get home.." Sirius paused, "I'm leaving again.. in fact, I think I'll skip the entire going home bit altogether. And just head to Prongs's house. . ."

Remus glanced at the calendar, "Apparently, I'll be paying a visit to 'my ill mother' for a few days and then we'll see what happens,"

"Ears and I are going to check out all the teen clubs for Muggles while we're in London. ." Aragorn slipped a sly smirk to his brother, who retorted with a grin.

"When I get home," began Boromir quietly, "….. I'm baking COOKIES!" he smiled happily.

Sirius shook his head.

"You're absolutely hopeless, Scales.."

"It's midnight.. I'm thinking we better get all of our _business_ matters in _order_," suggested Legolas as he crammed an oversized box into his already full trunk. Sirius eyed the box suspiciously but refrained from asking.

"You bet Ears," grinned James, "We have to make up for all the things we won't be able to do on summer break tomorrow, but tonight…"

Aragorn leapt up and leaned against the wall much in James Bond fashion.

"Target… Slytherin!" He shot at Remus with his finger.

"Operation .. Interior Designer is underway. ." said Aragorn.

"That has to be the stupidest name we've ever come up with . . .It's worse than Project Deranged Marsupial," commented Remus

"Well it would have made sense if we had actually got the opossum instead of having to substitute a weasel," James said.

"Yeah.. in retrospect, I think we should have used an angry badger," reminisced Sirius

The group paused for a moment picturing the alternative outcome.

"Anyway, I don't think we could have come up with a more horrible name if we tried," continued Remus.

".. But we _did _try, Moony," said Legolas, "Tuesday.. we agreed it was in fact the stupidest name we could think of.."

Remus sighed, "Whatever.. let's get this over with.."

"Maybe McGonagall won't notice until it's too late to suspend us for the rest of the year," said Aragorn as they walked out of the portrait hole.

"Well my money is she'll pin it on us about two minutes before the train leaves," said Sirius.

"I don't think it'll be McGonagall at all," mused James, "I think Dumbledore will have it on us as soon as the farewell feast begins."

"It's not like he'll say anything though," said Legolas.

"I know, I just said he'd know it was us," remarked James.

"Everyone will know it's us.. They just need the proper evidence to prove it."

((A/n: Hee.. Spiffy Anime Cameo!

Detective Conan: One truth Prevails!))

"This was actually the most well thought out thing we've ever came up with," stated Remus, " but it all hangs in the balance of a very.. unreliable.. medium.."

"Well, we'll see where the last five years of snack stealing has landed us," said Aragorn.

"House elf loyalty is not in question," began Sirius. He smirked and continued, "Especially since we've got one of their own with us." Legolas smacked the back of his head, almost on impulse.

"Oww. Don't you think I've taken enough Bludgers to the head to be spared all other head injuries?" asked Sirius with a hurtful look.

"You've got a point, Padfoot. You're already running on the minimum amount of brain cells required to operate your minuscule brain."

"Boys, boys. Stop your petty quarreling!" Said Boromir in an almost eerily dead-on McGonagall voice.

The last owl flew into the Owlery window just as the first light of dawn stuck the sky.

The Marauders were already sitting in the common room awaiting a gaggle of Gryffindors to follow into the Great Hall. It was entirely dull-witted to draw unnecessary attention to themselves.

Meanwhile, in the girls dorms, every female from second year upward was uneasily preparing for the feast, save two who faced the expected Marauder pranks to rain down upon them, conscious to them or not.

"If Potter so much as pulls anything resembling a prank that involves me or put me at any inconvenience what-so-ever, he's going to wish he'd been impaled on his broomstick in the last Quidditch match," said a auburn-haired sixth year.

"Better get yourself ready to tear into him then, Lily," said her raven-haired friend with a grin.

Lily pulled out two bottles from under her pillow, tossing one to her friend.

"Here's to what's sure to be a long morning for us," Lily paused raising her bottle, "And what will most defiantly be an unfathomably longer train ride for the boys." Lily smirked and the two sipped at their bottles.

"Time to run the Gauntlet again, Wren," said Lily.

Miraculous (and heavily suspicious) as it was, every Gryffindor made it down to the Great Hall entirely unharmed, save a 3rd year who tripped in the Entrance Hall and suffered from a minor scraped knee. The sky above was drearily cloudy and foggy. Soon, every person had filed into the Hall and took seats at their respective house tables. The ceremony was about to begin and every student was present, except for the entire Slytherin house.

Dumbledore approached his podium.

"It seems we are having a bit of an attendance problem, I have sent Professor Malfoy to check the Slytherin dungeons for any possible upsets causing the students to be detained from attending… until then.." he waved his hand, " Tuck In!" And food filled the tables.

Dumbledore went to sit in his usual spot and suddenly gave a rather surprised yelp.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at James, who grinned in return

Dumbledore bent down behind the high table as McGonagall hurried to his side.

He pulled up a rather dazed looking student, still in his nightclothes. He held in his other hand a length of rope, a handkerchief, and a half-eaten apple.

The Marauders shot a questioning look at Aragorn.

"I got hungry," he shrugged.

McGonagall helped support the half-asleep greasy haired boy.

"What happened here, Mr. Snape?.." she asked somewhat rhetorically.

The boy blinked a bit and managed to mumble a bit.

"I dun remember.. I jus, went to sleep…like always and.. then I find myself here.."

Legolas looked at his watch.

"Thirty-seconds," he mumbled to his comrades.

They looked up at the ceiling as the clouds began to fade away, sunlight peeked through and began to reveal something rather disturbing on the ceiling.

"Professor!" called a 7th year Ravenclaw as she leapt from her seat and pointed to the ceiling.

The Hall broke out in horrified yells and stunned whispers. For, bound and gagged, was the Slytherin House in its entirety. Surrounding the newly awoken and rather horrified students was an immense banner that unrolled to the ground behind the High Table. On it in emerald green pen read the following,

Farewell, for now, to our school; our home,

For the next two months, our minds shall roam,

And though they rot and melt away,

We'll re-learn it next year, anyway.

We shall return, we've yet to cease,

For Hogwarts remains in one piece,

Old Hoggy Warts deserves this rest,

We've put both It and Staff to test.

Though teachers turn hostile at our names,

We'll be here until they pop their veins,

And they'll never get a moment's rest,

As long as our healthy lung's draw breath.

Students, be prepared! But not for class,

We'll show no mercy as we have in the past.

Fear us, hate us, do as you must

But without our spice this place would suck.

So we thank you all, for our future year,

We just can't wait until it's here!

To Hogwarts, our school, our pride, and our love,

To the staff and students (even the ones above),

We salute, we scream, we yell, and we Cheer,

Thanks for another unforgettable year!

Messrs. of Mischief

The Marauders silently put their hands over their heart in silent salute as everyone around them were attempting to free the Slytherins or panicking. Sirius wiped a false tear from his eye.

A/n: Yup. I know, I know.. My poetry skills are indeed less than that of a dead raccoon. But, hey, it's 5 am.. Not that I could do much better at any other time, but still. And I also know that it has nothing to do with a linen closet. It won't for a while… but don't worry, it'll get there eventually,

Tha Muse:. Review! Whhhhooooot!

PS. .I can't write poetry.. but I WILL illustrate fics. The End


	2. Chapter 2

Dear ForgerofWorlds,

I heart you. You are my new bestest fwend. Lurves.

Chaptah Duex

"I can't believe they didn't even _question_ us.." sighed Sirius, slightly disappointed.

"I at least suspected minor suspicion and a bit of trouble getting on the train," muttered James.

"I imagine McGonagall was wanting us too leave as soon as possible.." mused Legolas.

"Did anyone by chance happen to catch the look Professor Malfoy gave us when we got on the train?" Remus said grinning.

"Defiantly!" said Sirius, "If looks could kill-" he fell onto the compartment floor clutching at his chest and lying on his back motionless.

Suddenly, the already very crowded compartments door opened.

"Hello Lils, hey Wren!.." Sirius greeted to two pair of shoes.

Lily looked at the sprawled at boy as if to question. She then shook herself deciding that she'd rather not know.

James looked up cooly.

"Yes Evans? Anything I can do for you?"

Lily gave a look that was reminiscent of what a lion might give an antelope if the antelope had grinningly mentioned that it itself was a lion. . . a look of slight confusion followed by heated annoyance.

"Yes, actually, you can go leap off of a very tall cliff and impale yourself on the wooden stakes below," she retorted.

James leaned back slightly at this very open hostility.

Wren stepped forward, she was on pretty good terms with the Marauders.

"We were just wondering if your pranks are done for today," she said cooly.

"Why, _our_ pranks?" said Legolas in a sickingly sweet way, "We haven't done anything of the like," he smiled sweetly but his eyes gave off that Marauder glint.

"We have no idea what you two mean," smiled Aragorn.

All of this time Remus was staring off in a daze.

"I do!" said Boromir, leaping up and almost stomping Sirius. "I know what they mean! They're talking about when--" Sirius flicked his wand and a sock stuffed itself in Boromir's mouth.

Wren smirked.

"All we want to know as if Lily and I have anything to expect any time soon."

"And if so we suggest you remove it now or you won't have a next year to look forward too," finished Lily.

Sirius raised his head and glanced at James, who didn't move, and then to Legolas and Aragorn. The two gave a slight nod. Sirius pulled himself up, dusted off his shoulders, and approached the two women.

"If you'll allow me," he gestured at their jean pockets, "You could be perfectly safe in a matter of seconds..." Lily moved her hand toward her back pocket. "I wouldn't do that Lils. . it's kinda on a 'whom touches' basis.. If you touched it it'd trigger it."

"And what exactly is _it_?" asked Wren testily.

"You'd prefer not to know," said Sirius meekly. "Now, if you please…" He took the appearance of a solemn surgeon.

"Fine," Lily grumbled. James looked up in curiosity.

Remus shook his head and hid it in his hand.

Sirius, still managing to keep a sober face, slipped his hands into Lily's back pockets. Her face began to turn an irritated shade of red.

Sirius removed his hands and slipped one into a front pocket.

"My mistake Lils, wrong pocket," he grinned evilly as he produced a small yellow square from her pocket.

Wren shut one eye and withdrew slightly at the painful sound. Without another word, the two left and Lily slammed the compartment door shut behind her."

Sirius turned around to reveal a large throbbing red handprint on the side of his face. Everyone (minus Remus) burst into laughter.

"I can't believe you did that," said Remus with disappointment.

'What's tha matter, Moony?" asked Aragorn, "You claim Evans er somethin'?"

Remus gave Aragorn a look of disgust.

"No, you simpleton, I just expected that even Sirius would have more respect for Lily than that," he stated.

"Oh come on Moony, Lils knows I'm only funning. . Deep down I think enjoys it.. A little game between friends," Sirius grinned and leaned against the window. "And besides, Aragorn. . Remus has always held a candle for Wren."

The group held in their laughter expecting Remus's annoyance.

"So what if I do.." he muttered, "It isn't as if I can act on it.." No one said a thing. Even Boromir felt uncomfortable in the silence. Just then, a flurry of feathered fury flew in the door and crashed into the window, making for an excellent ending of that immensely awkward silence. It turned out to be a midnight black owl.

"Hey Jynx," said Sirius picking up the crumpled form, "He still hasn't got the landing thing down yet," he muttered as he took the note from it's claws.

Sirius grimaced, "From mum.."

_ Sirius, we're having a family reunion over summer and they'll be boarding at our house over the break. Understandably, I do not want you to be there. Past incidences have made most of the family firmly against being around you at any point in time. Therefore, I've decided that you will stay at my summerhouse instead. Don't bother replying or coming home, and keep your owl with you, it's a further embarrassment to the family. And by the way, Regulus will be with us so don't wait for him. With all do sincerity, Mum_

Sirius read it aloud and then uttered two words you would never hear him say, "Thanks mum.."

Slowly, the third sentence's meaning creeped over the group.

"OUR OWN SUMMER HOUSE!" screamed James.

Then a large amount of celebrating took place in the form of leaping around, dancing, screaming, and suggestion of baking pastries. Anyone who happened to stroll by in the hallway would assume that the compartment contained several moderately sized bulls attempting to squish the juice out of a large pile of citrus fruits, which is what the sound of six teenage boys celebrating is quite often confused with.

A/N:..And thusly another random chapter is done.. It's a bit sad that I wanted to get further with this one. . mostly everything in this chapter was random filler that I came up with while typing, I get sidetracked way to much.. oh well, hope you enjoy it anyway!


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius unlocked the door and it creaked open. Though the place looked pretty desolate on the outside, the inside was very well kept.

"It's beautiful, Jim," said Sirius happily.

"And so roomy. The possibilities are endless, Padfoot my friend," he clapped his hand on Sirius's shoulder.

"Still," said Sirius with that trademark smirk, "The place needs to be readjusted to fit our purpose.

"Indeed. We should get started."

"Mum's going to kill me," said Sirius happily.

The two entered and proceeded to snoop through everything.

"It's been so long since I've been here," said Sirius, "and when I was here mum insisted I stayed in the pool house."

James paused and gave his pal a look of utter joy.

"Did you say.. Pool?"

Sirius thoughtlessly answered.

"Yeah. . we used to own the pool but mum thought I enjoyed it a bit too much so she sold it and some land to a family and they built a house next door."

James sighed, "So much for that idea… we'll just have to rave inside then." He picked up a small radio.

"Well, this won't do..."

Sirius nodded and pulled out his wand. He drawled and incantation and lazily flicked his wand. The small hand radio poofed into an unnecessarily large system with two six foot speakers.

"That's better," grinned James. "When is the rest of the Gang supposed to be here anyway?"

"Legolas and Aragorn should be here in a few days, I'm sure they'll pick up Boromir along the way. He's supposed to be getting his Apparition license tomorrow, if he passes."

"Good. Then we won't have to travel the slow way," said James, "But what about Moony?"

Sirius looked thoughtful. "I'll send his mum and Owl, saying my mum will be here and that it's perfectly fine for him to be here.. after all, we have a nice, sturdy, sound-proof basement."

"We should make sure of that," suggested James, "We don't want to have to chase him through a residential area.. predominantly inhabited by Muggles."

They went into the downstairs basement.

"That's a bit unpleasant," said James when light entered the room.

The place was full of rather disturbing medieval items. In show piece of the room was a guillotine with several morbid dark stain on the wood.

Sirius raised and eyebrow at a large cage and some thick chains. He closed the door and they walked back up the stairway.

"Perhaps one of the guest rooms would be a better place for Moony," said Sirius.

"I should think so.." said James, slightly uncomfortable. After a moment or two he continued, ".. Hey Sirius… what do you think the whips--"

"I'd rather not think about it. ..Can we maybe never mention this again?" asked Sirius.

"Right," said James.

(Time skipage)

Three cracks sounded at the front door, followed by an impatient knock.

Sirius walked over and opened it, grinning.

"Hey guys. . 'bout time." He eyed the three guys and their unnecessarily large amount of luggage.

"Did you bring your entire house or something?" asked Sirius.

"You know mum," sighed Legolas as he slumped a hefty trunk onto the floor. "We said we were going to a Muggle camp and she decided she couldn't let us go without the 'necessary materials'."

Aragorn dropped his baggage as well, "You can't forget a first aid kit," he said in a feminine voice, "Oh, don't you two dare leave this house without those extra tents and that inflatable raft!"

"What did Boromir's mum say about him staying?" asked Sirius.

"Nothing much, she made us eat milk and cookies for an hour before we left though,"

After they had stowed their stuff in their respective rooms, they all met in the living room to decide what to do next.

"We should go to the pub," suggested Aragorn.

"I think we should go get supplies from Diagon Alley.. or.. Zonko's," said James

"Let's bake!" said Boromir expectantly.

The discussion quickly turned into a loud rambling dispute.

"Marauders, Please!" Legolas called for attention.

Everyone, surprisingly, stopped and listened.

"There's obviously only one way to settle this…" he said with a grin.

"Magus-Tag!" said Sirius with the same grin. Legolas waved his wand and conjured a small red flag.

He bounded halfway up the stairs and stopped.

"Same House rules, whomever posses the flag in thirty minutes decides what we do first, no Apparition, no leaving the house."

"..Or going in the basement," continued Sirius. They gave him a few odd glances but nodded understandment.

James set the alarm for the clock on the mantelpiece.

"Begin!" yelled Legolas as he bounded up the stairs.

Sirius was right behind him. Legolas darted down a hallway, which turned out to be a dead end. Sirius cornered him and morphed into a giant shaggy black dog. He growled menacingly.

Legolas paused and smiled. His body shifted to become a fairly small cat-like animal. He vaulted in between the dog's legs with the red flag in his whiskered mouth. As he was running he turned around to chance a glance at Sirius.

He was grabbed up by the scruff of his neck, and the flag pulled from his mouth as he was morphing back.

"Good try, Ears," said James to Legolas as his feet found ground. Legolas swiped for the flag but just before his hand reached it, it disappeared into the antlers of a white stag. It sped off down the stairs and skidded across the kitchen. James felt a gust of air on his head and look up in time to see the a large owl flutter just out of reach with the flag in it's talon.

The owl was heading for an open door, as it flew into the doorway, the door closed and the owl crashed into it pretty hard. The owl fell to the floor and shifted back into Aragorn. The door opened and Boromir grabbed the flag from his hand and slammed the door shut again. There was the sound of the door being locked on Boromir's side.

About twenty-five minutes later, everyone was gathered in the kitchen watching Boromir mix ingredients for what they assumed to be brownies together with a happy grin on his face. He was the only one unscathed from the dangerous game. Sirius sported a scratch across his nose, James had rug burn on his knees, Legolas had a swollen previously stomped hand, and Aragorn was sporting an ice pack on his head.

"The first aid kits came in handy after all, eh, Talon?" said Legolas as put a smaller ice pack on his hand.

If anyone want another chapter of anything, I need reviews.. PS... Harry Potter 6 makes brain brain have a tumor. We'll not get into why.

Anyway.. luv me.. review.. OO


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